"i'll be the death of America"

i shut down my xanga site today. i kinda fell into having one back in the year 2003... it quickly became a way for me to vent my frustrations about work, family life, friends, sex, drugs, music, what have you. But way too many people that i actually know read the damn thing now. Shit, my sister's friends read it. i even had a bunch of random 15 year old girls who subscribed to it(because i do so well with the Hot Topic crowd). i was starting to feel like a pedophile. It makes it hard to write anything other than a basic log of all of the good things that happened during a certain span of time. i had planned to use it as a forum for lyrics and essays which i had written, but that always ended up falling by the wayside for one reason or another.

One wonders why i didn't just keep a journal the old way: in a book. The answer: there is something gratifying about having one's life analyzed (and approved) by people who live outside one's own life. BUT there are certain guidelines: it has to be people of a similar mindset and age (at least for me). It has to feel like these are people that you could possibly hang out with in real life. In short, they're exactly like your friends in real life, but they can't judge you like your real friends can. They don't see the character flaws, the moments of weakness. It is practically voyeurism (minus the nudity part, which i guess does kinda take away the meaning of the word, but still...), and i (along with all of the people on xanga, livejournal, myspace, facebook, etc.) do so enjoy voyeurism. Anyone who says they only do it because they are "bored" is a filthy fucking liar. It is so addicting to just breath in other people's lives. i think that this is easily one of the top ten reasons why i stopped watching television. Who needs "reality tv" when i can experience this? But when people that you actually do know begin to tap into the experience, it becomes... hampered, embarrassing. Its like being caught masturbating, or something similar.

This begs the question, "Well, why the fuck did you just sign up for a blog like maybe five (5) or six (6) hours after deleting your xanga?!" The answer: this is going to be an outlet for stupid and/or inane comments. Also, i am hopelessly addicted to blogging. i can't help it. The internet has replaced television as my ultimate time waster. i don't even own a television in my dorm. Of course, my roomie has one, but i don't use it... or really hang out in the dorm all that much. But i'm getting off topic...This will be a harmless outlet for discussion of pop culture, cancer, love, whatever.

Joe Jackson - "Got the Time"